Our thinking, beliefs, programming and life experiences give us many reasons to doubt our worth.
Self love matters, because it is the key to a happy life.
So where to begin? You first start by realizing to what degree you love yourself and how it is affecting your life. Listen to your self- talk for a while. We can be our own worst enemy. Most people are more critical of themselves then other people are of them. Pay attention to how critical you are of others. The more at peace you are with yourself, the more at peace you are with what is around you. You will find less to be critical of when you are more accepting of yourself.
Understand that you were not born this way. You were told things that lowered your self-worth and you chose to believe it. You were taught since you were a child that to deserve love meant that you had to behave a certain way. This is programming. You learned that when you repeatedly did things a certain way, you were accepted or pushed away. This forms patterning. You made mistakes or poor choices and experienced the feelings of shame, guilt, disgust, etc. You convinced yourself you were not worthy of love. You now believe what you were told and what you told yourself and that is the energy you carry with you wherever you go.
There is not one person on this planet that has not been affected to some degree by these things. Now, what to do about it?
The past is the past. Leave it there. If you treated others or yourself badly, own it, make amends and move on. That does not mean that you have to go over board spending a lifetime making things up to others. It means that today is a new day and you are going to start over. You are going to do the best you can with what you know and are capable of. It is a process. It will take time, patience and perseverance. Where close family is concerned, understand that you have history with them. You have to hold your own without taking their stuff personally. They will still see the old you for a while. They will not fully understand your struggles. Give it time. There will be good days and not so good days. Just dust yourself off and keep moving forward. Keep your eye on where you want to be.
You might need to surround yourself with new people in your life. As you grow and evolve, so will the people that you resonate with. There will be those that you leave behind and it is appropriate.
If you have abused your body in the past, tell it you are sorry and start treating it the way it deserves. Your body is pure energy. It is a living biological consciousness. Every cell has awareness in a way that most people don’t realize. If one part hurts, the whole body hurts. If you think ill of it, it hears that. It will live up to what you choose to think of it. Show your body you love it. Feed it well, exercise, think kindly of it and be grateful to it for putting up with you!
You can look at yourself in the mirror and say “I love you” a million times and it won’t make much of a difference if you don’t believe it. It is still a better choice then saying “I hate you”. Just reading those words doesn’t feel good. Imagine what happens when you say that to yourself and when you believe it. Try the “I love you” until it sticks.
Wisdom is the gift on the other side of the lessons learned
Step out of yourself for a moment and think of a child that you love. Imagine them coming to you telling you of something they did or said, that to them, was unforgivable. What would you tell them? You need to do the same for yourself.
If you can’t love yourself, you don’t have love to give. If you don’t have love to give, you are incapable of receiving love. This means that your relationships will not be as good as they could be. This means that you will see the world through the filters of your pain and suffering. Everything is tainted. The part of you that sees yourself as unlovable, affects your whole life. It affects how you see and perceive everything. It affects your thinking, your emotions and your reactions. It affects your physical body.
Choose now to stop this cycle of abuse. Yes, abuse…..of your self. Decide now that you are worthy of love and you are going to take steps to own that fully. Treat yourself well. Don’t wait for someone to do it for you. Forgive yourself of everything, always. Learn the lessons from the past. That is the most important thing. This is where wisdom comes from.